Very Educational

I have a friend who lives in GL who has encountered numerous problems, including having a $400 check stolen from her mailbox. She now has a P.O. box. She, like us, did not know what she was getting herself into when she moved into this neighborhood. The following text exchange occurred this evening:

Friend: You know you live in ghetto lite when...
Friend: you catch yourself googling "what does meth smell like when it's being cooked?"
Me: lol
Me: And what does it smell like?
Friend:Well it can have many different smells because it can be made so many ways, apparently.
Friend: The unusual smell in my apartment when I got home was kind like a burnt rubber. But that wasn't identified online, so I think I'm good.
Me: I'm glad something else potentially bad is happening instead of meth cooking. Less chance you'll die in an explosion this way!
Friend: Yes. Explosion would be just THE WORST.

Proof that you just never know what you'll learn in GL.

Notes, Notes, Notes

 I've noticed quite a few awesome notes around here lately that I thought I should share.

Apparently the people that we have considered the "Normal People" have ordered worms that they plan to store inside their crappy two bedroom apartment. I can get behind worms for composting but not within these little apartments.

This note has been recently placed in the laundry room. I actually had noticed that people have been putting their own trash in the laundry room trashcan, which I agree isn't quite right, but I certainly don't care enough to write a note. This note is clearly from NOLD.

Also placed in the laundry room by NOLD.

These words: "John Deer Babe Bacon Lover Sizzle Baby Sizzle" are written on the window of a car in the parking lot  outside our apartment building.

This in on a door at the local Meijer. I love how it looks like a second grader wrote it.

I hope you enjoyed a little glimpse of the notes in my life!

Views out of our Windows

None of these are super recent, and none of these are particularly unusual.

I'm not sure what was wrong with this guy, but whatever
problem he had caused two police cars, two ambulances,
and a fire truck to come to our little corner.

The first vehicle that responded to his situation.

Gina digging through the dumpster.

Some sweet dumpster finds.

Starting to carry the stuff but walking in the wrong direction...?

The amazing thing here is that we just never know what we are going to see out of our windows. For example, last night several people were out in the parking lot yelling and carrying about at 10pm on a very windy snowy cold night. Such good times.

Gardening in GL

A few months ago Brad the maintenance man replaced our shower and did a generally shitty job. Almost immediately one corner on the outside kept continually getting moldy even though we were doing our very best to keep it dry. One day I noticed the above--a small plant was growing out of the corner of the bathtub inside of our bathroom. Disgusting, right? I texted Brad the same picture that is above, and he was actually extremely responsive. He came the next business day and sealed things a little better. Thus far, we have not had a reemergence of the bean.

Merry Christmas from NOLD

I had just gotten home from work (like, literally just walked through the door) when there was a knock on the door. Typically we try to ignore these because they typically bring something unpleasant, but I felt sure that whoever it was knew that I had just gotten home. Thus, I answered it. It was NOLD. She was bringing by Christmas presents for her "Sweety-Girls" (yep, that's Lizzy and me) since she knew we'd be traveling for Christmas break (you know, since we are the "College Girls"). She was very nice, and the gift bag had two identical mugs with attached mints, and each mug was labelled ("Elizabeth" and "Jessica").

Brief Gina update

I got the following text from Lizzy today when she was home studying for an exam, and I was at work: "Gina called the cops again. Said someone 'tore up' the back of her apt & then took off. Shes been knocking on everyones doors & screaming @ our window."

My response: "Omg. She needs a hospital."

Lizzy: "She is a nut. Cops left. Shes been pacing the apt bldg & keeps asking 2 talk 2 bad moms mom."

I haven't observed anything interesting or out of the ordinary since I've been home, which is a very good thing.

Oh Gina

When Lizzy got home around 8 tonight, the police were outside of our apartment building, but she didn't know why. Then, around 9:45 there was some serious banging on the outside front door of the apartment. Lizzy thought it might be the cops again, so I looked out the window. I saw a man get into a white SUV that was parked in the middle of the road. I was narrating his actions for Lizzy when he saw me looking out of the window. He started waving his arms and shouting at me, "HELP! HELP ME!" My method of helping a random man who is parked in the middle of the road involves calling the police. I explained to the 911 operator that a man was parked literally in the middle of the road shouting "HELP!" and a cop car came a few minutes later. When the cop got out of his car, the man started driving away. The cop turned on his lights and called for backup. They approached the man, and it turns out that he was Crackhead Gina's pastor, and he was trying to return some items to her. The first cop then said that he was just here with Gina, who was having a "medical issue." He then called the police station to see "if there was anyway" that they could get into our building. Around that time, someone else (probably NOLD) let them in the building. The cops pounded and pounded on Gina's door before discovering that it was unlocked. They went in and woke her up. They left her items just inside her door and told her to go back to sleep. The cops apologized to the pastor for the misunderstanding, and they all laughed like old buddies.

JB and Friends

I'm sorry for slacking so much lately on keeping my fans informed about GL. Here's an anecdote from a friend of a friend who also lives in GL:

So here's what happened to us last night:

 

We had just finished eating and were watching TV on the couch (which is right near the front door), when someone knocked at the door, then smashed in one of the window panels on the door with a baseball bat. I jumped up, grabbed Kiwi, and Erik (thinking it was someone breaking in) yelled "GO AWAY" in a manly voice and picked up the closest heavy object, a stoneware bowl from dinner (lol) for protection. But then the people weren't trying to come in, they were yelling, so I went to the door and opened the curtain and it is two 18-20 year old girls with baseball bats yelling "WHERE'S JB??" So I was like "What? There's no JB here" and they are like "BULLSHIT, HE JUST DROPPED ME OFF HERE AN HOUR AGO" and I'm like, "No, he didn't, I don't know anyone named JB!" So I argue with them for a few minutes, and I'm like, "he probably lives next door," and eventually one of them goes "Oh shit, he does live next door" and they start walking next door.

 

So I call the police, while Erik goes outside. There is an older guy with them, just standing back (I think he was there to protect them in case JB attacked them or something). So Erik said "You can't just go breaking people's windows." as the girls go and smash the neighbor's windows, and the guy said "Yeah, but if you knew what JB did to them..." or something like that.  So then the people walk off down the street, and the guy told Erik "If you don't call the cops, I'll come fix it tomorrow." Well I had already called the cops, and they arrived like 1 minute later, but the people were gone. We filed a report, but the cop said there's not much they can do since it's criminal mischief and the cops didn't witness it.

 

Then the cop leaves, and like 30 minutes later, we hear the neighbors yelling "omigod, what happened here?? the windows are broken!" We go outside and it is a woman, a guy, and a girl, so I say to the guy "Are you JB?" and he says ".....I know him" (and I'm thinking, ok, you are him), so I explain what happened.  So, he calls the cops, exaggerating and saying "people broke into my house and stole my stuff" (he is obviously an idiot), gives them his name, Johnny Bradley (obviously JB), along with the names of the girls who did it.

 

Erik and I left, Erik used wood to temporarily fix the window, and the maintenance guy from our rental company is working on it now. We still have no idea what JB did to the girls. The idiots not only broke our window, but also JB's windows, and the window of the apartment next to his.

Weird Walking

I had just left for my walk when I came across a man who was standing in the alley looking across at a building. He greeted me and gestured to a cat. He said, "I'm trying to make the cat come back to where he stay at." He was worried about getting scratched. I muttered some vague remarks and kept walking.

Then, as I approached a funeral home that is a little farther up the alley, a female employee of the home who was outside smoking approached me. She got so close to me that she actually touched my elbow (while smoking in my face) to warn me that they were having a military funeral. She didn't want the guns to scare me. I appreciated the warning.

I kept walking. Another minute or two later, the guns did go off. I still jumped even though I was warned.

I kept walking. About thirty minutes later I came back through the alley. The cat guy was in the parking lot where the cat had been, sitting on the trunk of a car talking to another guy. I tried to get by without engaging, but I was unsuccessful. He told me that he knew he wouldn't catch the cat before I came back by. He then told me that he saw me jump when the guns went off. He said he knew it scared me. I admitted that it did.

I kept walking and made it back home without incident.

This is also on a nearby porch.

Unreasonable Expectations

Yesterday Lizzy was home and heard some lady scolding a little girl and thought it was related to New Bad Mom (Mandy). She heard the woman saying: "Sit on the steps with Nana. Sit down. Sit down. We're gonna have to get you a new babysitter because this isn't working out for Nana."

Last night I saw basically the same scene. Mandy was pacing around the parking lot talking on her cell phone. "Nana" was sitting on a step on a garbage bag smoking a cigarette and "Nay/Nay-Nay" was not interested in sitting beside Nana. Nay, who is apparently going to turn two next month, was more interested in running around and kept trying to go over to her mom. Nana kept saying "Nay-Nay sit by Nana. Momma's on the phone."

Today again Lizzy heard this scenario. The kid wanted to play in the dirt instead of sitting quietly on the step. Lizzy said, "In a weak moment I decided to be kind." Lizzy took down the toys we bought for her niece at Ikea and gave them to Nay to try to entertain her. Unfortunately Nana didn't want to get the toys dirty, so Lizzy was left trying to entertain Nay while Nana told her many stories. She learned that Mandy is a year younger than Lizzy, and Nay is one of four half-siblings from the dad who has 4 baby mamas who have blond hair and blue eyes. Mandy used to work at the mall but lost her job, so now she's a telemarketer six days a week. Nana loves Nay, but she gets into everything. Nana wants Nay to go to daycare. Nana used to weigh over 400 lbs, had back problems, her mom died, and her brother died. She used to be a bank teller and was in charge of the vault, but she couldn't go back to work and needs on the job training. Mandy's boyfriend is a Pizza Hut driver (which we knew from observing things) and not the baby daddy (which we observed based on the fact that Nay appears to be biracial).

Mandy and Mandy's boyfriend. He has a lot of stuff in the back of his truck.

Lizzy was getting ready to go inside when Gina came out. She had "crazy eyes." She talked about Mandy and Nana propping the door open (even though it was not propped at that time), Tamera telling on her, and she has to stay inside instead of going outside and enjoying herself because everyone keeps telling on her. She wandered off talking to herself.

The interaction ended with Lizzy getting a "stop by anytime you want" invite from Nana. I'm not sure how often she'll be taking her up on that offer.

Laundry Woes

When Lizzy took down laundry, she got accosted by NOLD and New Bad Mom Mandy. Mandy introduced herself. She said that she first saw Lizzy when she looked at the apartment, and she thought she wanted to live here because Lizzy looked cool. NOLD agreed that Lizzy is "cheerful and bubbly." Mandy came closer like she wanted to shake Lizzy's hand, but Lizzy wouldn't let her. Mandy said she is new here, doesn't know how things work, and doesn't want any problems. Someone has already called the landlord on her three times, so she wants Lizzy to knock on her door if she has any problem with her. Lizzy said okay and ended the conversation as quickly as possible. She then heard Mandy remark that she needed to check on her two year old, who was alone in the apartment.

Later Lizzy needed to go put the laundry in the dryer, she told me to listen if she was gone for more than five minutes, so I could save her if she got sucked into another conversation. I obliged. I opened the door five minutes later, and I heard nothing. When Lizzy came back, I learned that I listened too late...NOLD had intercepted her on the way to the laundry room and taken Lizzy into her apartment. NOLD wanted to talk to Lizzy about Mandy. First, she said that Mandy's mom is really nice, but she's really sick. (This random bit did not connect to the remainder of the content.) Then she talked about how Mandy is trying to "change things." She has been propping open the back door because she doesn't like the locks on the outer doors. NOLD is going to call the landlord tomorrow because she wants the locks to stay on the doors. NOLD also complained that Mandy opened the laundry room window. She told Mandy that she had better close it because there is a reason why it is nailed shut...because people were stealing electricity from it when it was open.

NOLD said that she did not call the landlord (yet) because she keeps to her own business (WHAT A JOKE!). She knew it couldn't be "the college girls upstairs" (us) because we keep to ourselves. She knew it couldn't be Amy because Amy's crazy (we agree). Thus, she does not  know who it could be. What a mystery!

NOLD also wanted Lizzy to know that she is having surgery for cancer on the 9th and been going to the doctor frequently. As Lizzy was leaving, NOLD remarked that she liked the smell of the dryer sheets. Lizzy said they are just Bounce. NOLD said she will have to get some.

Our plan when Lizzy goes to get the laundry is for me to text her every 1 minute, so she will always have an excuse to leave any possible conversation.

Drama Mommas

Setting: Our apartment.
Time: About 20 minutes ago.
Who: Originally just Lizzy and I. Then Crackhead Gina came on the scene.

Lizzy made an awesome dinner, and we were loving it when there was a knock on the door. It was Crackhead Gina who apparently stopped by to share her feelings with Lizzy. She appeared to be very high on something. She could barely stand and had trouble stringing words together to make sentences. Below is what she shared, as best Lizzy can remember it. I have retained as much of the original wording as possible. It is essentially a free association about her conflict with NOLD. Here's the monologue she provided:

NOLD told New Bad Mom to stay away from Gina because Gina does and sells drugs, which Gina denies. Gina found out because she was sitting on the steps trying to get it together, and New Bad Mom told her about it. Gina doesn't understand why NOLD doesn't stay out of her business. NOLD always sticks her head out when she hears Gina, and her face is all twisted up. NOLD also opens the front door and pretends to be the mailman several times per day to tease Gina. Then NOLD and Tamera (Dog Lady) call each other and laugh. They also stole her Publisher's Clearinghouse, and she was the winner. She wants her stamps back now because she was sending entries for one and a half years. She's going to be moving soon, within the next month or two. She was trying to wait to get a car, but now she can't wait. It's too much for Gina to ride the bus. She has a car service, and it costs her $86 even though she doesn't go that far. She doesn't understand why NOLD is playing these kid games, making fun of her and laughing. NOLD also goes into her house and moves her stuff because she has a key from the previous owner. She wants the landlord to change the locks and they won't do it. She heard the little girls of New Bad Mom screaming and hollering today, and she went right up and gave them some balloons, so they could stop hollering. We also need to be careful of NOLD. Gina wants to go ahead and let them have it because she's moving.

Here's as close to the truth as we know:

NOLD probably did warn New Bad Mom about Gina because Gina is definitely on drugs. If she's selling, she's not very good at it because she doesn't have any money. NOLD does appear to relish in her conflict with Gina, but we seriously doubt that she pretends to be the mailman or steals any mail from Gina. We further doubt that NOLD even has a key to Gina's apartment. Lizzy reminded me that Gina also accused the maintenance man of entering her apartment and ejaculating on her bed during an earlier incident. We also doubt that Gina will be moving anytime soon. We are afraid of any world where she is behind the wheel of a car. The little girls were extremely loud today, and I support giving them balloons if that will shut them up. Lizzy also said that she believes NOLD will probably share her side of the story soon. That just more reason for me to hide.

Delivery Diversion

Now we all have to take special measures to avoid having Amy steal any additional packages.





This is our note. (I cut off our names at the end.) We have our packages sent to a friends' house to avoid problems.



This note was located on the outer front door by "Dog Woman." She wanted her package delivered to NOLD. Normal Guy and Normal Girl apparently have their packages sent to NOLD's apartment too. NOLD also offered to accept our packages, but we do not want more involvement with her.

I hope to someday live in a location where our packages can be delivered without fear.

Floor Plan

I decided to treat all of you to a VERY ROUGH floor plan of this apartment building, just to provide more context for various posts. The proportions are definitely off, but the placement of various areas is correct.

 

Crazy Amy: shoe stealing, unmedicated schizophrenic, no job, grown kids

Crackhead Gina: crazy, emotional, generous, no job, grown kids

Dog Woman: stays out of drama, goes to work in the morning and returns later in the day

NOLD & Husband: Nosy Old Lady Downstairs is overly involved in everything, husband is rarely sighted

Bad Mom & Ryan/Rylin: moved out...I don't know if anyone else is in the apartment, but the place is quieter and less smelly since they left

Normal Girl and Normal Guy: their names tell you everything, they have jobs and/or go to school and stay out of everything

New Girl: I've only seen her once

Lizzy could provide many anecdotes about most of the people.

"Has anybody gone to jail yet?"

So today I was sitting on the bus at the downtown transfer waiting to go the rest of the way home when two 20-ish year old women got on the bus. They appeared trashy and high and very happy. They were loud and rambunctious. They settled down a little bit until one of them called someone. She was a very loud phone talker. One of the first things she said was "Is the police still there?" (Of course she pronounced it as poe'-lease.) She then asked, "Has anybody gone to jail yet?" It was unclear from her reaction if the police were still there or if anyone had been arrested. "She did announce that they would be there in "2.5," although that time measurement is unclear to me, as the entire route takes less than 2.5 hours, and I was on the bus for about 10 more minutes, and they were still one. They were on the bus the rest of the time I was on it, and they appeared happy and without a care in the world. I can't imagine being that happy if I was on the way to a house where the police were possibly arresting someone, but I wouldn't be 20, trashy, or high either.

Something to Say to Everyone

As my faithful readers know, I often observe unusual/uncomfortable/illegal activities during my evening walks. I often take similar routes because there are a couple of places that I like to stop and drink water. This means that I often see the same people around.

There is one house near a water-bearing park where I once before saw a man and woman on the porch. The woman was apparently having some relational difficulties, which could be attributed solely to the other involved parties. (Read: None of this was her fault.) I had no interactions with them.

Today I was on the other side of the road walking parallel to where one woman and two men were sitting on this porch. I heard them shouting as I approached. They were trying to stop a passing car (by shouting from the porch) because they believed that the ladder on top of that car belonged to them. They seemed briefly really worked up about it, but this emotion was not sustained.

As I got close to them (but on the other side of the road), one guy shouted to me, "Is that tattoo on your leg real?" It was the same tattoo that the man in the previous post commented on. I debated but decided that responding briefly was the best response. I just shouted, "Yeah." He shouted, "Seriously?" I shouted, "Yeah," and he shouted, "Damn." I was still walking, and I turned the first available corner to get away from them.

So many questions arose for this guy:
1. Did I do anything that sent the message that I wanted to talk to you? I was on the other side of the street, did not look in your direction, and walked continually.
2. If it was clear I wasn't interested in talking to you, why did you talk to me?
3. Why did you need to know if my tattoo was real?
4. Why did you doubt me after I said it was real?
5. Just why?

"You sure are pretty cute."

Tonight I was on my walk, and I was only a few blocks from home. I saw some cops with their lights on and realized that they were setting up a "sobriety chekpoint." I found this odd because it is Thursday, we are far from the university, and that area is not known for having bars or anything. A similar checkpoint near the college bars would make a lot more sense.

I was almost home when I turned into an alley. A 50-ish year old man on a moped (not uncommon in GL) was approaching the same area. I began to feel very special when he removed his ear buds. He asked me what was going on and gestured toward the police lights. I told him that was a sobriety checkpoint. He said, "That sucks." I thought, Only if you are planning on driving drunk down that particular block. He was checking out the tattoo on my leg and commented that he liked it. I told him to have a good night and started to walk away. I heard him say something, but I didn't catch it. I asked him to repeat himself, and he said, "You sure are pretty cute." And, that marked the end of our conversation.

I can't remember the last time a dude hit on me, and this was a much older dude on a moped who thinks that sobriety checkpoints suck. Talk about a self-esteem boost!

Bye Bad Mom!

BREAKING NEWS: BAD MOM AND RYAN/RYLIN MOVED OUT 7/29/2012

It's true. Bad Mom had one oldish man helping her load a van with her stuff on Saturday and another oldish man helping her load this truck on Sunday. It's unclear if she was evicted or if any other Bad Boyfriend has entered the scene. Gone are the sounds of yelling and banging on the door. I can't wait to see what kind of craziness replaces her craziness and to hear why NOLD doesn't like them.

Lost & Found

The following artifacts were discovered by a resident of the apartment building, Lizzy, in our laundry room:

Found-Item in hallway-you identify, I'll return: Apt 2

This is a game Apt 2 likes to play. Any normal neighbor would attempt to return the item to its owner. Since most people are honest, the item could be returned without playing the guessing game. Since said item could be virtually anything, you would need to know what you're missing! She knows who the item belongs to-She just lives for moments like this! Opportunities for her to have power over other people, since she is powerless against her husband. 

Here's what I know...Apt 2 belongs to NOLD, so she wrote the first note. (See previous posts about Nosy Old Lady Downstairs.) She and Bad Mom have been experiencing conflict, about which NOLD likes to gossip with Lizzy. They share a wall, and NOLD has called the police on Bad Mom several times. These calls were likely warranted, as Bad Mom seems to be literally abusing Ryan/Rylin, but there is also a crazy element to all of this nonsense. Lizzy and I both believe Bad Mom wrote the second note. Also, NOLD has brought us items that she believed we had lost, so she does not likely believe it is ours.

Here's what I don't know...what was lost, to whom it belongs, or whether that person will ever get it back.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

Tonight's walk led to another interesting sight.

The first sign of something noteworthy. People are sitting on lawn chairs in the streets...watching the police at a crime scene.

The view of the crime scene from the end of the street where the spectators are.

One perspective on the large area that is blocked off with police tape.

I have no idea what is going on, even though I stalked the area from every area (for journalistic purposes, of course). Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get better shots with my camera on my phone.

Also sighted on today's walk...Mormons.